Crying inside

"You ask me if I loved you, and I choked on my reply, I rather hurt you honestly..."

This is my blog song. Heard it, luv it.

Asked myself, "if i really loved someone, will I choked on my reply?" Definetly not.

However, when i heard it today, i have a second thought. 13 years of marriage, living together, sharing one bed. Pratically having your presence everywhere. We joked, we laughed, we quarrelled. I guess this is an daily event that every couple has experienced before.

This week, ds having his CAs. During this period, i became paranoid, dunno why, also dunno how to cope with my tense feelings over exams. Perhaps in my school days, I was like that. Always wanns strive for the best to be the top in class. But sadly, my ds seems not to have my 'kiasu' geane. He seems so relax, nva auto take his textbks out for revision....hiaz

Questions like:
-whether ds is well-prepared? can he do well in his exams?
-what if he fail, it will be recorded in his report book!!
-If he fails his exams, am i to be blamed as i am working? Should i stay home instead?
-Got tuition still fail? waste $$? or change tutor?....so many "what ifs" !!!!! >.<

To top my frustrations, my dh does'nt bother about their school work. Very rarely he goes into their studyrm to check on them. I know he had a hard day's work but at least show so concern lah! Kids spelling scored 100% also no praises. Do u know the purpose of letting you sign their work? Did you know what are your kids weakness? .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ..

I dun mean to slam dh in my blog but I am really tired. Communication amongst couples are an essential expat of everyday living. I feel that we are still in the olden days whereby husband rules everything, wife to obey. As i grow older and wiser, read more and learn more, I have my say too.

While i was typing this blog something caught my eye, "Chicken Soup For The Soul". Oh yes! I remembered this book. It was the first edition that I bought many years ago. Read tru on Love, Marriage and Parenting. It has opened my heart and my soul, a good wake up call indeed! Perhaps i should see things in a different point of view and not being claustrophobic. Well I guess we should embrace what we have at present and live life well. I love you...